A Pokemon World
by Firelord67
Summary: Arceus has decreed that humans are only harmful to the planet earth. He plans to turn all of them into Pokemon. Meanwhile, the other Legendary Pokemon are having problems of their own. Don't worry, no Ash shipping.
1. Prologue 1:Arceus

_Since the dawn of time, humans have been causing horrible atrocities to all things Pokémon. They capture us, force us to fight, display us like dolls, and force us to perform unspeakable acts in daycare centers. For these reasons, I, Arceus have deemed that humankind shall no longer prosper; this will be a Pokémon world only. Each human will be transformed into a Pokémon. We will start with a few, Kadabras, Yamasks, and Ghost-types. Next, every single human guilty of enslaving Pokémon shall become one of us. Once that is completed, I personally see to it that every remaining human becomes a Pokémon._

"So… no more criminal gangs that keep trying to destroy the world?" Celebi asked.

"Yes," Arceus replied.

"No more getting trees chopped down by random kids?" Celebi was getting more and more excited.

"When all humans have been converted, your forest will grow to hundreds of acres."

Celebi's smile grew bigger as she asked the question that she had been thinking about her entire life.

"And… will I finally be able to marry?"

Arceus turned around to face Celebi with a confused look on his face. Pokémon was usually satisfied to mate once, leave their partner and then expect an egg later. Long-term relationships were quite unheard of.

"I suppose… though why do you choose to ask that of all questions?"

Celebi blushed. "Well…" she decided to change the subject "What's that?" she pointed to the large structure in the middle of the room. It was a golden tower made of girders of solid imperial gold. On the top was a pink pearl."

Arceus smiled. "That is our first major step. A beam of concentrated energy will be shot into the base, which will energize the pear and release a psychic blast that will remove the mental block that prevents humans from understanding Pokémon. Once that is done, we can easily gain followers that will assist in our cause."

"When will you do it?"

"In 6 hours. This is why I called you here; I need your power to fuel the machine. You should be enough to destroy the mental block."

"I am truly honored," Celebi said. In her head, she was ecstatic. Soon, she would finally be able to marry the Pokémon of her dreams!

As the hours passed, Arceus invited the other legendaries to witness "The first step into a brand-new Pokémon world". Celebi's head was in the clouds, thinking about what a Pokémon-only world would be like. No more battles, no more breeding, just existing for no reason. Suddenly, someone covered her eyes from behind

"Guess who?" a familiar voice said. Celebi giggled.

"Let me think... Mewtwo?"

"No."

"Arceus?"

"No."

"My future husband?"

"No… wait, what?" said Mew. Celebi turned around to face him, a smile was pulling at the edge of her face.

"Arceus just told me about his plan to convert humanity," she said, gleefully.

"So he told you?" replied Mew. "Man, if that's the case then he must be getting pretty serious about actually doing it. He was kinda reluctant to tell some of us. Can't imagine why he would." He paused a moment, looking at her expression. "Why do I get the feeling he told you something that he didn't tell me?"

"He... didn't tell you about the "first step" thing?" Celebi said, puzzled.

"No. Hang on, lemme see what he told you." Mew placed his hand on Celebi's head and reached in with his mind. He had read Celebi's mind multiple times before, and she had become quite fond of the feeling of Mew feeling his way through all of her thoughts and memories. Sometimes, Mew would do this just to make her feel nice. Mew soon found the memory and listened to the familiar voice of Arceus from his and Celebi's mind meld. Celebi watched Mew listen, waiting for his reaction.

**In the mind meld...**

**Arceus: When all humans have been converted, your forest will grow to hundreds of acres.**

**Celebi: And... will I finally be able to marry?**

**Arceus: ****I suppose… though why do you choose to ask that of all questions?**

Mew's eyes grew large. He pulled his hand away from Celebi's head.

"He said... Yes?" he said, his voice a mix of shock and excitement.

"Mew... we can finally get married," Celebi replied.

Mew didn't waste a single moment. He pulled out a small velvet box that he had been saving for this moment. He got down on one knee.

"Well, I don't see any point in waiting, we've been doing that for millennia." He said

Celebi cheeks turned a bright red; she could hardly contain her excitement. She had waited for this moment, quite literally, for an eternity, and now it was really happening!

"Celebi, we're taught that every Legendary has a purpose. And mine is to love and protect you till my days be over. So will you do me the honor of cementing this new Pokemon age in stone, with our marriage?" he said. He was honestly quite surprised that he had come up with such a good speech on the spot. He opened the box, revealing a beautiful silver ring, with a hint of pink, and a stunning emerald gem. Celebi could feel tears forming in her eyes (which was a bit odd, considering the fact that she was technically a plant) and she embraced Mew into a hug.

"Yes! I will marry you!"

Celebi kissed Mew, and the two legendaries cried tears of joy. Mew put the emerald ring onto Celebi's finger. For the two of them, it seemed that nothing could ever wrong in the world, especially a human-free one.


	2. Prologue 2: Enter Victini

**HOORAY, I GOT A REVIEW!**

**AJ Jason**

**Thanks a lot! I hope to release the next chapter soon!**

**Brtnvm**

**That will be explained later. Although if you think about it, you might get the idea.**

**Warhammer4life**

**Uh, thanks? Although I agree, Pokemon is slavery and that fact is the driving force behind the plot. And you DO realize that you posted a public review. They can probably read it.**

Soon, word got around about Arceus's "first step." The normally quiet god was filled with enthusiasm, he explained his plan to anyone and everyone. Although there was a bit of an incident when he told Victini.

"So lemme get this straight. Your machine thingy is gonna make it so humans can talk to us?" the Pokemon in question replied.

"That's correct," said Arceus.

"And then you're going to offer them all a chance to be turned into Pokemon?"

"Yes,"

"And then the ones that agree are going to set up a bunch of signal towers, like the one in the laboratory..?"

"Yes, again,"

"..so you can relay a psychic signal that will permanently turn every last human into a Pokemon?"

"That sums it up"

"And then I won't have to keep rigging tournaments to make sure a certain 10-year-old doesn't win?"

"Precisely."

"Actually, why do I do that, to begin with?" Victini asked. Arceus's eyes widened.

"Uh... let's just say that… we need to keep the drama running," he said nervously. Victini was clearly not convinced.

"How does that make any sense? It seems like a gigantic waste of time and resources and I don't see a single benefit."

"Ah…" Arceus's eyes quickly darted around, "That's, uh, not the only thing that will change."

"Wait a minute, did you just change the subject after I asked a completely…"

"You see, when I remove the humans, there won't be any more reason to keep Pokemon from marrying," he said quickly. Victini was getting more and more suspicious.

"Firstly, you didn't answer my question. Secondly, why was that a law to begin with? One of the reviewers even pointed it out!."

"I uh. I have to go!" Arceus teleported away before Victini could question him.

"I swear, I'm going to get some answers if it the last thing I do."

Just then, Victini heard Celebi and Mew in the hallway. He looked over to see the two Legendaries discussing something when they turned to face him.

"Hi Vic!" said Mew.

"Hey, what are you two doing here? Don't you have duties?"

"Oh, don't worry. Arceus said we can have today off." Celebi said, her eye glancing back to her finger every now and then. "And Shaymin is covering for me."

Victini sighed "And yet another thing a certain Legendary refuses to tell me."

"Don't be hard on him" Celebi replied sternly. "He's the creator. He has nothing but good intentions and does not favor any single Pokemon."

"Celebi, the road to oblivion is paved with good intentions, and Arceus is building a freeway!"

Mew interrupted them.

"Okay, can we move away from this. Cause, honestly, if I had a malasada for every argument I've had about Arceus, then the Alola religion would go bankrupt on them."

"Yeah, this is really pointless," Victini said, toning down a bit. He noticed that Celebi was looking at her hand again.

"Is there something on your finger Celebi?" the victory Pokemon asked.

Celebi smiled and showed Victini her ring.

"Huh? What's that for?" he said, not quite grasping exactly what this piece of jewelry meant.

Mew facepalmed at his friend's ignorance.

"It's an engagement ring, silly," he said

"What?" Victini exclaimed, his eyes widening. "Arceus was serious about repealing the marriage law?"

"Well, what did you think he meant?" Mew asked

"And how long have you been uh… what's the word?"

"Dating?"

"Yes, dating, how long have you been dating exactly? This seems a little soon."

Celebi facepalmed.

"For fifty-two centuries! How did you not know? it was super obvious!" Celebi exclaimed.

"Ummm..."

**Flashback; Victini walked past the closet when he heard a strange noise coming from inside. It was a kind of, sucking noise with two Pokemon moaning. What could that he be? He thought. He opened the door to see Mew and Celebi making out with each other. They stopped and looked at him, his tongue still in her mouth. Victini walked away awkwardly.**

**End Flashback**

"Oh," said Victini. He piped up. "Well, congratulations!."

"Thank you," said Mew. "I was just about to ask you if you wanted to help us plan the wedding."

Victini's ears perked up. Unlike other Legendaries, who were usually concerned with balance or duties, Victini had a strong passion for spreading joy, and his favorite way to do that was with a party! Victini's parties were renowned throughout the entire universe, the victory Pokemon had a gift for words and amusement. His speeches were filled with colorful vocabulary and could they make Giratina cry. And he never ran out of ways to entertain others, from clown costumes to a bottle full of rare candy. Victini's charisma made him one of the most popular Legendaries, almost everyone he knew was his friend.

"For you buddy, anything. I'll get started on that as soon as I finish setting up the party for tonight"

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, tonight, I'm throwing a party to celebrate the machine's activation. This is a new age, and I'm throwing an event that'll go down in the history books"

"But didn't Arceus say that the machine is set to activate in like, five or so hours?"

"Don't worry, I called in some favors" Victini gestured to Mewtwo, who was setting a DJ table. "Matter of fact, can you spare a moment to hook up the speakers?"

"Like you had to ask!" said Mew and Celebi at the same time.

**Don't worry if certain things change, I'm constantly editing this story.**


	3. Prologue 3: DJ Mewtwo

**This is the last part of the Prologue so, you'll notice that this is much shorter than the other chapters. **

**Vulpix 3: Well, he is the _victory_ Pokemon, not the "Leave the entire universe up to random chance" Pokemon. That would be disastrous**

**Serpentfeather: Thank you! I sure do like the kind of story with humor _and _drama.**

**AJ Jason: Well, it's not exactly going to go that way for Mew and Celebi. And I decided to make Mewtwo a DJ since this is a more carefree version of...**

**Oh, and note that I have been leaving some _very_ subtle clues.**

Soon, the Legendaries had put together a great deal of a party. Jirachi put up decorations, Raikou set up a light system, The bird siblings put together a great spread of food, Mewtwo and Deoxys played and sung music respectively, and Meloetta spat some sick lines (she has a form for every style of music, I'll leave it up to your imagination to determine what her rap form looks like). It wasn't long for just about every one of the normally uptight Legendaries was having a wild time. Except for Mew and Victini, who both recoiled at Heatran's pole dance.

And also Manaphy, who was just sitting in a chair while eating a bag of gummy candies. Victini walked over to her. She hadn't talked to anyone, besides him, since she got pregnant. That, coupled with her hormones, had made her quite emotionally unstable.

"Hey," he said.

"What do you want?" she said back, somewhat annoyed. She rubbed her swollen belly.

"How are you doing?" asked Victini.

Her face turned sour.

"Honestly, JUST PEACHY! First, there was that Ditto that started this stupid pregnancy, now I'm fat, always tired and moody, and the only thing that I can eat without throwing up are these stupid gummies!" she threw the bag on the floor.

"Don't worry, it'll a be couple more weeks," said Victini, remaining surprisingly calm.

"It's not just that." Manaphy said. "I can't stop thinking... Can I be a good mother? I mean what if I mess up? What if…"

"Whoa, whoa, hold the phone," he said. Manaphy looked up."You're worrying too much. I know you, whoever's in that egg will be lucky to have you as a mother." Manaphy smiled a little.

"Thank you…" she said. Then she started laughing. "Besides, what do I have to worry about when I have such a good friend to help me!" Manaphy could've sworn she saw him flinch when she said the word "friend".

Suddenly, Arceus appeared next to the signal tower. He cleared his throat.

"Uh… hello everyone!" he said. All the Pokemon in the room stopped what they were doing and turned to Arceus.

"Thank you for coming tonight, to witness the birth of…"

"Yeah, we heard that already, just get on with it!" said Moltres.

"SHUT UP, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WRITING THIS SPEECH. As you can see, we are only one minute away from destroying the block that keeps us from communicating with humans." Arceus said, quite annoyed at being interrupted. He looked at Celebi and she nodded. She silently reassured her fiance before stepping before the structure.

"As some of you know, many of our laws will be repealed following this. If anyone wishes to marry, they may do so." A murmur swept across the crowd. "And a large amount of us will be relieved of our Legendary duties. So... I guess you just go play golf or, become musicians or, I don't know, make a reality TV show where you put various Pokemon through challenges and gradually eliminate them, or something?" Arceus got a more positive reaction from this.

"Now, I will explain my ingenious plan. The mental block is located in the occipital lobe of the human brain, it causes a psychic disturbance that raises the lobe to a different thaum frequency that..."

"JUST GET ON WITH IT!" exclaimed Palkia.

Arceus growled. "Long story short, Celebi uses temporal power on metal, metal connects to pearl, pearl releases wave that destroys the mental block, DO I NEED TO USE SIMPLER TERMS!?" most of the Legendaries shook their heads. "Thank you," said Arceus, more calmly. "Now Celebi, will you do the honors?"

Celebi nodded. She took a deep breath and focused on the timeline. Ignoring the fearful beating from her chest, she embraced the power, feeling it course through her body, it growing stronger and stronger…

Suddenly, from the crowd of Legendaries, a red blur shot up and toward Celebi. She didn't even realize what was going on until the screaming began.

"WATCH OUT!"

"VICTINI!"

"WHAT THE…?"

"CELEBI!"

"MEW!"

"STOP!"

"NO!"

"HELP ME!"

"VICTINI!"

"MANAPHY!"

"HUH?"

"CELEBI!"

"CELEBI!"

A small green emerald clattered to the floor.

...

"Truth or consequences."

**No, this is not a plot twist, it's just the end of the prologue.  
**


	4. Deja Vu

Whew! This is definitely one of the longest chapters I've ever written. Which is ironic, considering that it's just after one of the shortest.

AJ Jason. Celebi was just shattered. And, yes, that was the prologue. Just a mini-plot to start the main one.

Oh yeah, get ready for some nightmares.

"I'm innocent! Innocent I tell you! Innocent!" Victini exclaimed.

"Silence, you've evaded us long enough. Now is the time to accept your punishment" said Arceus.

"Long enough? I was gone for three weeks I say! Three weeks!"

"Three weeks too long. It's time to pay for Celebi's death."

"For the last time, I didn't kill her, I tell you! I didn't kill her And you didn't even give me a trial! I deserve one! A trial I say! I deserve a trial!"

"Just give up the act Victini, you've hurt us enough," said Mewtwo. He and Arceus were dragging a constantly resisting Victini behind them, in a psychic bubble.

"What will I have to say to make you believe I didn't kill her!"

"Nothing."

"This is madness I say! Madness!"

"This isn't madness. THIS, IS, THE NIGHTMARE SHACK! Trademark Mewtwo, do not steal"

Arceus said

"Um, Mewtwo is correct. As punishment for the murder of Celebi, and impeding on a ritual, you are sentenced to a lifetime inside the Nightmare Shack."

"No, you say it like, THE NIGHTMARE SHACK! full caps," said Mewtwo

"Thank you Mewtwo, THE NIGHTMARE SHACK! is the first prison designed for Legendaries. You will be forced to endure an eternity of scarring nightmares, each one more horrible than the last!"

"Mewtwo, buddy, you know me, I would never kill Celebi, you know that right?" Victini pleaded. Mewtwo avoided eye-contact.

"Apparently, I don't. This punishment is so severe, not even I can handle it. In fact, I would go so far as to say that a dark amphithere couldn't last one second inside."

"What's a dark amphithere?"

"Some of kind dragon thingy, with enough gut to hang out with murderous Bannetes, bipolar Cacturnes, and really annoying Bronzongs, or something like that."

"Here we are," said Arceus.

THE NIGHTMARE SHACK was placed in an area in the Kanto region, a place where humans could never visit. And apparently that simply meant putting really small cliffs around, and for some reason, the humans could never climb them. It was a tall, metal box, with eye-like windows, and a large gaping door. But the windows were completely dark, except for the odd shape or spooky sound.

"You best get used to it Victini, this is your home for now on." Arceus pushed the struggling Pokemon inside.

"PLEASE, LET ME GO! I'M INNOCENT, I TELL…" but no more words came, only silence, as Victini was thrown into the darkness. He watched the door close behind him, leaving him in complete and utter darkness. The bubble had popped, so nothing separates him from the endless abyss on every side of him. Like all dreams, he had trouble remembering this experience, until his eyes started to feel heavy.

Victini stood inside a casino.

"Huh?" he said, not knowing how he got here.

"Hey," he jumped round to see a roulette table talking to him.

"Wanna take a spin? Maybe you'll get some cash?" it said.

"Uh, no thanks, I hate gambling" Victini tried to walk away when a slot machine started speaking as well.

"HEY! GIMME YOUR MONEY!" it yelled. Victini yelped as it started walking towards him.

"There's no strategy, just luck." said a pair of dice from a craps table.

"Get away!" exclaimed Victini, as he hyperventilated.

Suddenly, everything was gone; Victini was back in the darkness.

"Really Arceus?" he said to no-one. "A haunted casino? You know gambling hasn't scared me since second grade. I still hate it though."

But without warning, Victini found himself back in chapter 3.

Arceus appeared next to the signal tower. He cleared his throat.

"Uh… hello everyone!" he said. All the Pokemon in the room stopped what they were doing and turned to Arceus.

"Thank you for coming tonight, to witness the birth of…"

"Yeah, we heard that already, just get on with it!" said Moltres.

"SHUT UP, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WRITING THIS SPEECH. As you can see, we are only one minute away from destroying the block that keeps us from communicating with humans." Arceus said, quite annoyed at being interrupted. He looked at Celebi and she nodded. She silently reassured her fiance before stepping before the structure.

Victini snapped out of his trance and yelled out

"Arceus! There's someone trying to kill Celebi!"

The crowd around him gasped, and Celebi let out a small yelp.

Suddenly, from the crowd of Legendaries, a red blur shot up and toward Celebi. Except Victini didn't see a red blur. He saw himself, every detail in place. There was no denying it, that was him, running towards Celebi with a blade. She didn't even realize what was going on until the screaming began.

"WATCH OUT!"

"VICTINI!"

"WHAT THE…?"

"CELEBI!"

"MEW!"

"STOP!"

"NO!"

"HELP ME!"

"VICTINI!"

"MANAPHY!"

"HUH?"

"CELEBI!"

"CELEBI!"

A small green emerald clattered to the floor.

Victini walked over to it, Celebi lying beside it and Mew standing over her, his eyes full of tears. Victini could feel himself tearing up as well. He then noticed that the other Victini was still here, making his way out.

"Truth or consequences." said the other Victini. Victini walked over to his double and said to him.

"Who are you?"

The other Victini looked down and said nothing

"Why did you kill her"

Victini noticed that he was crying, just as much as he was.

"I'm sorry"

"I'm sorry? I'M SORRY? YOU JUST KILLED MY BEST FRIEND'S FIANCE AND GOT ME THROWN IN THE NIGHTMARE SHACK, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS I'M SORRY?

"This was the way it was meant to be."

"Wow. I know me, and I'm way better at coming up with excuses than you."

The other Victini closed his eyes.

"Truth or consequences. A thought. The truth must be revealed, or there will be consequences. And those consequences can only be elevated by the truth. Truth or consequences my friend, when you decide which side you will take, you will have the answer to your question."

"I have literally no idea what you're saying!"

"Someday, you will."

Victini was about to ask more when the nightmare ended. He wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Reliving Celebi's death? Isn't that set up a bit high? I mean, what could be worse than that?" Victini tried and failed to alleviate his situation to a nonexistent listener.

The next nightmare, again, began back at the party. Only this time, Victini was not in the crowd of Legendaries. He was standing behind the machine.

"Okay come on. This is literally the same nightmare from before. Talk about origin-"

But Victini stopped. He saw another Victini, talking to Manaphy.

"Hey," he said

"What do you want?" she said back, somewhat annoyed. She rubbed her swollen belly.

"How are you doing?" asked Victini.

Her face turned sour.

"Honestly, JUST PEACHY! First, there was that Ditto that started this stupid pregnancy, now I'm fat, always tired and moody, and the only thing that I can eat without throwing up are these stupid gummies!" she threw the bag on the floor.

"Don't worry, it'll a be couple more weeks," said Victini, remaining surprisingly calm.

"It's not just that." Manaphy said. "I can't stop thinking... Can I be a good mother? I mean what if I mess up? What if…"

"Whoa, whoa, hold the phone," he said. Manaphy looked up."You're worrying too much. I know you, whoever's in that egg will be lucky to have you as a mother." Manaphy smiled a little.

"Thank you…" she said. Then she started laughing. "Besides, what do I have to worry about when I have such a good friend to help me!" Manaphy could've sworn she saw him flinch when she said the word "friend".

Meanwhile, the real Victini had made his way into the crowd. He facepalmed himself.

"Oh my gosh, I just got friendzoned and didn't even know about it!"

Arceus appeared next to the signal tower. He cleared his throat.

"Uh… hello everyone!" he said. All the Pokemon in the room stopped what they were doing and turned to Arceus.

"Thank you for coming tonight, to witness the birth of…"

"Yeah, we heard that already, just get on with it!" said Moltres.

"SHUT UP, I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WRITING THIS SPEECH. As you can see, we are only one minute away from destroying the block that keeps us from communicating with humans." Arceus said, quite annoyed at being interrupted. He looked at Celebi and she nodded. She silently reassured her fiance before stepping before the structure.

The other Victini yelled out

"Arceus! There's someone trying to kill Celebi!"

The crowd around him gasped, and Celebi let out a small yelp.

Suddenly, from the crowd of Legendaries, a red blur shot up and toward Celebi. Except Victini didn't see a red blur. He was the red blur, running towards Celebi with a blade. He didn't feel himself anymore, almost as if his mind had been replaced with someone who had only one thought: Celebi must die now. She didn't even realize what was going on until the screaming began.

Victini thrusted his weapon at his victim's heart. He heard screaming and yelling in the background, but he didn't care. The weapon pierced through her skin, into her chest. Victini didn't think he was doing something wrong, he just felt sad-so sad that he choked back a sob as Celebi screamed. She screamed until she just seemed to stop, and her head fell back, her eyes closing. Victini couldn't believe what he had just done, without thinking, he used the knife to knock the ring off of Celebi's finger.

A small green emerald clattered to the floor.

The other Victini walked over to it, Celebi lying beside it and Mew standing over her, his eyes full of tears. Victini could feel himself tearing up as well. His emotions making it hard to think, he started making his way out.

He pondered about what the other Victini had said. Without thinking, he said

"Truth or consequences." the other Victini walked over to his double and said to him.

"Who are you?"

The Victini looked down and said nothing, the guilt overriding any logical sense.

"Why did you kill her?"

Victini noticed that he was crying, just as much as he was.

"I'm sorry," he said, knowing it was hopeless

"I'm sorry? I'M SORRY? YOU JUST KILLED MY BEST FRIEND'S FIANCE AND GOT ME THROWN IN THE NIGHTMARE SHACK, AND ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY IS I'M SORRY?

"This was the way it was meant to be." he didn't know what this meant. He just wanted an excuse to walk out.

"Wow. I know me, and I'm way better at coming up with excuses than you."

The Victini closed his eyes. He said

"Truth or consequences. A thought. The truth must be revealed, or there will be consequences. And those consequences can only be elevated by the truth. Truth or consequences my friend, when you decide which side you will take, you will have the answer to your question."

"I have literally no idea what you're saying!"

"Someday, you will." Victini still had no idea what he was saying, he just couldn't seem to think of anything else to say.

Victini noticed everything around him fading to black. He knew now, he really did kill her. He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but somehow, he really had killed her. The tears kept falling from his face. He didn't know how long he stood there.


	5. An egg of any other color

**AJ Jason. That's only the tip of the iceberg. Victini has a very mild fear of gambling, since being the victory pokemon means that he determines who is worthy of a reward, meaning he hates random-chance-based rewards and punishments.**

Victini sighed.

"Well Arceus, you've found a way to make me relive Celebi's death twice. and now I'm talking to the author." His eyes went big.

"Hey! I'm omnipotent now. Neat!" he exclaimed.

**What? The character who makes fourth-wall jokes is almost never the protagonist. And I'll make sure he only uses it for comedic reasons.**

But his excitement was short-lived when the next nightmare began.

Victini was sitting in a chair and was watching Mew hold a skull, for some reason.

"Mew?" he asked. "What are you doing? And how is this remotely scary?"

But Mew didn't listen. He started speaking

_To be, or not to be, that is the question:_

_Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer_

_The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,_

_Or to take arms against a sea of troubles_

_And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,_

_No more; and by a-_

"MEW! Stop quoting Shakespeare and talk to me like a normal person!" Victini exclaimed.

Mew stared at him angrily.

"You killed the love of my life. Now it is your turn to die." Mew threw away the skull and took a battle stance.

**Mew used Poison Sting.**

Victini cried out in pain as the sharp projectile pierced right through his body. Already, the poison was seeping into his blood, as the burning spread to every cell in his body.

**It's not very effective…**

**Oh, wait… this is a nightmare so everything against Victini is super effective!**

**A critical hit!.**

Before Victini could cry out again, Manaphy appeared. The normally warm look in her face was gone, now she looked... hurt. Despite his obvious extreme pain, Victini found the strength to speak.

"Mana… phy?

"Don't "Manaphy" me, Victini." She also took a battle stance. "Why did you do it? We were your friends, why would you kill her?"

"I… I… sor-ee!" said Victini. His voice was slurring. He could already see everything getting blurry.

"I hate you more than anything else."

**Manaphy used Poisoned Wine on herself.**

"Have a good time in the Distortion realm! Maybe I'll find a real boyfriend in heaven. Now, drink, you dirty traitor"

"Truth… or… Consequences!" Victini strained. He really couldn't think at all, so he didn't resist when Manaphy tipped the glass of Poisoned Wine down his throat. With what little perception remaining in him, he felt the toxicity of his body triple and everything around him started to break down. Tears formed in his eyes and his heart sank to the bottom of his chest.

"Gah!" Victini awoke from the nightmare. But he wasn't in the dark abyss. Instead, he was in what appeared to be a hotel room and sitting on a king-sized bed.

"Hello, sweetie." Victini turned round to see Heatran…

Before immediately covering his eyes at the sight of her outfit.

"Sweet Arceus, what the heck are you wearing? This fanfic is rated T for goodness sake!" he said, not daring to look at her.

"Oh Victini, I was going to take it off anyway." the transgender Legendary said, very seductively. "It'll be just like college…"

Victini screamed as she approached him.

Later…

Victini felt himself being pulled out of the darkness. Everything was blurry until he was pulled out of THE NIGHTMARE SHACK. Manaphy was tugging his ear.

"Phew! Good thing you were so still, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to…" she started to say, but stopped when she saw what had become of her friend.

His fur was coated in a mix of grape juice and a strange smelling white goo. A kitchen knife was in his hand, impaling an incomplete deck of worn playing cards. In his other hand was a broken chalice and a plastic arrow. He was twitching and disheveled, his colors were fading, his eyes were crossed, he was just generally messed up.

"Sweet Arceus, what happened to you!" exclaimed Manaphy.

"Uh… Manaphy?" Victini stuttered.

"Yes, it's me, Manaphy, your friend!"

Victini jumped up.

"Gah! Manaphy! Is Mew still alive? Are casinos illegal in most developed nations? Are you okay? Is Celebi still dead? Does Mew like _Hamlet_? Are you poisoned? Is Heatran still attracted to me? Do you still love me?"

"Um, yes, I think so, yes, yes, possibly, no, maybe, and yes."

Victini sighed, feeling relieved, as the pain of every single nightmare seemed to float away.

"What happened to you in there anyway?" Manaphy asked him. Victini took a deep breath.

"To put it in short terms, first I was attacked by dice, then I watched myself kill Celebi, then _I _killed Celebi, then you and Mew both poisoned me, and now I'm pretty sure I'm no longer a virgin." he finished his long explanation.

Victini was about to say more when he looked at Manaphy's stomach.

"Hey, you're not pregnant anymore!" he said.

It was true. Manaphy's bump was completely gone and she looked exactly like she did, before the yet-to-be-clarified incident with the Ditto. She blushed and started to say

"Well… the thing is…"

"Mom?" a small voice interrupted. A small Pokemon was standing next to the NIGHTMARE SHACK and was looking at Manaphy. It looked almost exactly like her, except he floated on one appendage and had different markings on his body. "Who is this?"

Victini looked back and forth between the new Pokemon and Manaphy. His eyes widened when he realized exactly what was going on.

"Victini, this is my son, Phione." said Manaphy. "Phione, this is Victini"

"Hi there, Mr. Victini!" Phione cheerfully piped.

Despite the last chapter and a half of pure trauma, Victini couldn't help but smile at his optimism.

"Hey, kid. Nice to meet you" Victini replied. "I wish we could have met under better circumstances." He turned to Manaphy. "Exactly how long was I in the NIGHTMARE SHACK? And why did you pull me out? Arceus is gonna be furious."

Manaphy looked nervously at Victini.

"Come with me. Phione, you too" she said.

They all started on their way back to the Hall of Origins.


	6. The perfect plan

**This is definitely one of the longer chapters in this story. Also, this is where you can find the first musical number. Hope you enjoy.**

**Oh, and by the way, I won't be responding to reviews every single chapter. Sometimes, I might let them pile up a bit.**

"Oh. thank you so much!" exclaimed Victini. Manaphy had prepared him a meal, and the Victory pokemon was more than happy to dig in.

"Well, anyone stuck in that shack for, uh." Phione counted on his fingers. "Three weeks, then they would be pretty hungry." he yawned.

"Three weeks?!" Victini said through a mouthful of tofu. He swallowed. "I was pretty sure it was only an hour or so while I was in there!"

Manaphy thought for a moment.

"Well, time doesn't usually work the same in dreams. You might experience five minutes in the dream and a week in real life! Also, I don't think it helps that Mewtwo used his powers to keep you in the dreams for as long as possible." she said.

She looked over and noticed that Phione had fallen asleep. Victini chuckled.

"You know, it's pretty cute when…" he started to say, but Manaphy shushed him. She picked up Phione and carried him to his room. Knowing better than to cross a mother, Victini stayed put, eating berries.

When Manaphy returned, Victini asked her

"Was I really gone for three weeks?"

Manaphy looked a bit aloof.

"Yes," she said.

"And Phione was born, hatched, and gained enough intelligence to speak and walk in only three weeks?"

"I was surprised too. He was born three days after you were taken, hatched in a week, learned to walk in four days, and learned to talk in another week. I think it might have something to do with being the child of a Legendary, I mean, none of the other Legendaries have ever had kids. Or parents. Or got married."

"Speaking of which, how's Mew doing?"

Manaphy's eyes suddenly went blank.

"That's actually why I took you out of THE NIGHTMARE SHACK! Mew's gone... crazy,"

"Crazy?"

"He won't talk to anyone, he doesn't leave his room, and you can hear weird things coming from the door. Celebi's name, your name, 1988 Scottish music, Shakespeare quotes..."

Victini's ears perked up. "Shakespeare quotes?"

Manaphy looked at him curiously. "Yeah, mostly that "To be or not to be" one. I honestly have no idea what it means."

Victini went extremely pale. "Manaphy?" he said.

"What?"

"That quote was in my nightmare _and Hamlet_!"

"So?"

"...Both of which ended in a murder/suicide!"

"I don't see what you're saying."

Victini facepalmed. "He's planning to kill himself! And me in the process!"

"Victini, Mew may be acting mad, but I don't think that…" but Manaphy didn't get to finish her sentence, for Victini was making a dash for Mew's room.

Victini knew that the Hall of Origins was stocked with cameras, but he didn't care. He needed to save his friend. Victini wasted no time in getting to Mew, and that meant a lot.

**Victini used Fire Blast!**

**It's super effective!**

**The opposing Door fainted!**

Victini dashed past the ashes, hoping he wasn't too late. Victini saw Mew holding a dagger in his right arm. He looked in surprise at Victini's rather overdramatic entrance.

"Mew!" exclaimed Victini in a mix of fear and excitement. He was still alive. Then Victini had another thought. _Wait a minute, if he was going to kill me and himself, he would have to kill me first, since he can't kill me if he's dead. Therefore, I just ran straight into the room of someone who wants to kill me!"_

**Victini used Protection.**

**Victini is immune to Physical Attacks!**

"Victini!" said Mew, with a surprising amount of joy. He put down the dagger and walked up to the protective shield that contained his best friend.

"Please don't kill me! Or yourself! I swear I didn't kill Celebi, it was either someone who looks like me or me from the future!" said Victini, cowering inside the force field.

"What are you talking about? I'm not going to kill you. You're my best friend! In fact, I thought _you_ were dead!"

"Wait, what?" Victini said. He lowered Protection. Oddly, Mew immediately ran up to him and hugged him.

"I can't believe you're alive!" said Mew. "Arceus told me you killed yourself out of guilt!"

"Kill myself out of… Mew, I know this doesn't make any sense, but I didn't kill Celebi."

"Really? Okay."

"I get it, it doesn't make… wait, what?"

"Victini, you are the last person I would believe killed my fiance." Mew flinched when he thought of Celebi.

"Oh, thank goodness. I thought there would be this whole arc where I try to convince you that I didn't kill her that ends with me proving my innocence to you, or saving your life. But that still begs the question, why would Arceus tell you that I killed myself, and then throw me into THE NIGHTMARE SHACK!"

"He put you in THE NIGHTMARE SHACK!?"

"Easily the worst experience in my entire life. I thought you went crazy."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Manaphy."

"Where did she hear that?"

"I… don't know. I rushed off before she told me, cause I wanted to keep you from killing yourself."

Just then, Manaphy walked in the door.

"Mew? Victini? What's going on"

Mew took a deep breath.

"You told Victini I was going crazy, he came here to keep me from killing myself, I'm not going crazy, I'm just depressed over Celebi's death, and the fact that Arceus told me that Victini killed himself out of guilt. Now, why did you think I was going crazy."

"Arceus told me that you were singing 1980's music and quoting Shakespeare."

Victini rubbed his chin in suspicion.

"The way I see it, Arceus has been saying a lot of things… and doing a lot of things as well."

Mew's expression seemed to dim.

"No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop thinking about what happened at that party. Literally, everything reminds me of either Celebi or when she died."

Manaphy smiled sympathetically.

"Would it help to talk about it?"

"Not really. Then again..."

Victini looked up and said

"Hey! Does anyone hear music?"

**Here's the musical number. This is a parody of 500 miles. Note; you won't miss much if you skip it.**

_Mew: When I wake up, and, Celebi's still dead._

_I wanted to be the man who's waking up to her_

_When I go out, yeah I know that I was_

_I used to be the man who goes along with her_

_And now I got drunk, well I know I'm gonna have_

_I'm gonna have a really nasty hangover_

_And now I haver up when I think of her_

_(insert gibberish here)_

_But I would fight 5000 battles_

_And I would fight 5,000,000 more_

_I would even fight every single pokemon_

_Just to be with you once more._

_When I'm working, yes I know I'm wanna be_

_I'm wanna be the man who's working hard for her_

_Ain't got no money, that doesn't matter much_

_Don't need cash when I'm (_a god with the powers to do almost anything I want to do)

_When I'm dying (when i'm dying) well I'll know I'm gonna be_

_I'm gonna be the man who's coming back to you_

_Know that I know (what I got to) is to find another way_

_to live my life somehow without you_

_But I have got the perfect plan_

_In this brand new Pokemon world_

_I'll blow down that door at the Hall of origins_

_It's time for the Legendaries to come through_

_Know what I'll do_

_Victini: Know what I'll do_

_Mew: Make this world new_

_Manaphy: Make this world new_

_Mew: I'll make the first ever Pokemon Reality Tv show…_

"Wait, what?" asked Victini. Mew didn't seem the slightest bit depressed at all, contrary to before the song.

"You heard me! I'll start a new cultural phenomenon: Pokemon-only reality television!" Mew exclaimed.

"Right… but, weren't you just super sad over Celebi dying?" Victini replied before he could stop himself from saying Celebi's name. Strangely, Mew wasn't affected at all.

"Well… yeah… But, you know, can't worry about that forever! Welp gotta go!" Mew zipped out of the room.

"is it just me, or was Mew acting a little… different after he finished that song?" said Victini

"Yeah, I see what you mean. It's like he suddenly doesn't care about Celebi!" said Manaphy.

"Come to think of it, everyone's been acting weird since the beginning of the story!"

"How so?"

"Well, for starters, Arceus has been surprisingly reluctant to explain his reasoning behind anything. And he seems to be lying to us. And now Mew is suddenly acting really cool…"

"Cool? He's clearly either lost the ability to feel, or he's in serious denial of Celebi's death"

"Well, yeah but…"

"Hello Victini." said a new voice. Victini and Manaphy jumped in surprise when they saw Arceus standing in the doorway, a sleeping Phione on his back.

**Oooh, drama! **


	7. Goodbye Victini

**Just so you know, I won't be uploading onto this story for a while after this chapter.**

"Arceus!" exclaimed Victini

"Phione!" exclaimed Manaphy. "What are you doing with my son!?"

"Your "son" is from a criminal bloodline. I know what you did Manaphy."

"What the… how?"

"I have my ways. As punishment, all three of you will be executed." both Pokemon in front of Arceus gasped.

"Wait, what do you mean all _three?_" Victini asked.

"Well, the way I see it." Arceus proclaimed. "There are three other Pokemon in the room with me. And they are all going to be executed."

Manaphy's eyes widened when she realized what he meant.

"You're going to… to..." she said, a terrified look in her eyes.

"Your bloodline is guilty of treason. You and your son will both have to die with Victini." Arceus replied.

**Arceus used Ice Beam!**

**It's super effective!**

**Manaphy is frozen solid!**

"Manaphy!" exclaimed Victini. Her terrified expression was literally stuck on her frozen face. Victini crossed his eyebrows in anger.

"Why did you do that?! She didn't do anything wrong!"

Arceus's expression didn't change.

"I just really didn't want to hear her plead. It's really annoying," he said without emotion.

"You… you…" Victini started to say something but was interrupted.

**Arceus used Knockout!**

**Victini fainted!**

Arceus looked at the sleeping Phione on his back.

"And now... to complete the illusion."

Arceus had gathered all the Legendaries in the laboratory. He stood next to the signal tower he had tried to use in order to destroy the mental block. But, unlike that day, there was no joy or merriment, only murmurs from one Legendary to another. It seemed that recent events had taken the happiness out of the Hall of Origins, and now all were grim.

Arceus cleared his throat.

"Hello everyone," he said.

Everyone turned to him.

"About three weeks ago, I was going to use this tower to allow us to communicate with humans." Arceus indicated to the device. "But it seems, that our supposed friend, Victini, has taken that away with us, along with dear Celebi."

Mewtwo noticed that Mew didn't even frown when Arceus mentioned Celebi. Instead, Mew was furiously writing on a small notebook.

"And henceforth…"

Entei interrupted him. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we remember it all, Victini killed Celebi, new age ruined, Victini get thrown in the shack, yadda yadda yadda. We already lived it, there's no need for any exposition."

"You mean THE NIGHTMARE SHACK!" said Mewtwo.

"QUIET!" exclaimed Arceus. The entire crowd of Legendaries shrank back. He continued. "Aside from what Entei pointed out, it seemed that we have another traitor among us." Everybody gasped.

"For some reason, Manaphy decided to free Victini from THE NIGHTMARE SHACK!" he said. Arceus held up a picture of THE NIGHTMARE SHACK with the door hanging ajar. "And later, Manaphy _and _her infant son Phione were both found dead."

A fervor of questions and comments was set ablaze the Legendaries. Some were crying, others were yelling at each other and still, others were already making conspiracy theories.

"Please, everyone, calm yourselves! The killer was found soon afterward!" Arceus exclaimed.

The noise died down.

"You see, I happened across something, relatively close to the incident. Specifically, THIS!" Arceus pulled out a dagger, the exact same one that was used to kill Celebi. It was covered in blood. "As for who used it, I think it's quite obvious!".

Arceus reached behind the tower and pulled out a very beaten-looking Victini, tied up with a gag in his mouth, also covered in blood. All the Legendaries gasped again.

"It seems that Victini here hasn't quite learned his lesson," said Arceus. Victini tried to move, but he was just too weak, even breathing was hard.

"So I suggest we ought to make better use of him! How? Well, rather than building lots of signal towers to amplify my power, why don't we convert humanity by siphoning his life force?" While no one could tell, Arceus was grinning.

Zapdos called out "Umm, wouldn't that mean killing him?"

"That's exactly what it means!" said Arceus.

**Arceus used Giga Drain 100%**

**Victini took an insane amount of damage!**

**Victini fainted!**

**Arceus used Energy transfer!**

**Signal Tower got powered up!**

Arceus watched as the metallic structure started to glow, the pear at the top changing into different colors. The power grew and grew, the light grew brighter and brighter, and Victini lay on the floor, dead as a doornail.

Suddenly the entire room filled with burning hot light. There were multiple screams and the entire Laboratory started to crack and break. Finally, the whole room exploded, releasing the gigantic pulse of energy.

The were multiple groans from all the Legendaries and some seemed quite angry at Arceus. The god didn't care.

"And so it begins," he said.

**But don't worry, I'll be publishing some one-shots to keep you occupied!**


	8. Welcome to the Distortion World

**And we're back!**

"Next! Ah, Victini."

"Huh?" Victini said out loud. He looked around himself. He was inside some kind of office sitting in a chair which was facing a wooden desk. Sitting behind the desk was a tall black pokemon with blue eyes and a white hat.

"Darkrai!" exclaimed Victini. He tried to jump out of the chair, but he couldn't seem to move from it as if invisible ropes were holding him fast.

"Sorry, but I can't let you leave that chair until you have been judged."

"What do you want with me?! And how did I get here?"

"Please, calm yourself. I only want to help you."

"Help? Wait, I thought you were supposed to give people bad dreams or something."

"Well… yes, I do that. Though, most of those dreams are really just my way of helping. Fear is quite good for getting a message through, especially to the stubborn ones."

"Didn't Arceus say you were evil?"

"Arceus says a lot of this, like how he said you killed Celebi."

"You think I didn't?"

"I don't _think _you didn't do it, I know you didn't do it because Celebi told me."

"How did she..." Victini stopped when he noticed that Celebi was sitting in another chair reading a magazine.

"Victini? What are you doing here?" asked Celebi. Then her face shrunk "Is there a serial killer in the Hall of Origins!?"

"Celebi? You're alive? How?"

"Oh, he doesn't know yet, does he?" Celebi said to Darkrai.

"Alright Victini, there's no easy way to put this, but you're dead."

"WHAT?"

"And this is what happens after death. Now, let's proceed with your evaluation." Darkrai said. He took out a Pokedex and pointed it towards Victini. After a moment, the device beeped, and a printer on Darkrai's desk started printing something.

"Hold the phone, I can't be dead!"

"That's what they all say, but being stripped of all your life energy tends to make you… you know, dead."

"But… there was so much I wanted to do."

"That's also what they all say. I think you'll like the Distortion realm."

"The Distortion Realm?"

"...Is where you are. What, did you think you would just stop existing?" Darkrai put the papers in order. "Well, that's just not how it works."

Victini started breathing heavily. _Oh my gosh, I'm dead. And I'm only six thousand years old! All my friends…_

"I didn't _you_ were the judge of death." _Is that serious the first thing I wanted to say?  
_

"Well, there are only two Legendaries in the Distortion realm, and Giratina's off doing something else." Darkrai took the papers. "Let's see… killed by Arceus… made a lot of people happy… somewhat arrogant…"

"Excuse me?"

"...helped Manaphy through her pregnancy... multiple blessings from a lot of people… carried out responsibilities… and not a single crime. Alright, I think you're set to go to the good half."

"The what?"

"Don't they teach these things anymore? The Distortion realm is split into two halves, one good, one bad. Those who are nice at heart go to the good half, those who are evil, go the bad half. You get to go to the good half."

Victini sighed out of relief.

"Is there anyone you want to meet? Dead relatives? Old enemies? A widow?"

"I'll take him," said Celebi. She got up from her chair and took Victini's hand.

"Okay, sure. I might look like I'm calm right now, but I'm internally freaking out."

Victini got up from his chair, finding it incredibly easy. Celebi took him out through the door.

Victini assumed that the pictures of the Distortion realm that he had seen, must have been from the bad half because the good half was almost nothing like it. There was a blue sky, green grass, thousands of Pokemon merrily going about their day, in a small village. In the distance, he could see other islands, some with cities, some with oceans, some with volcano's, it was complete paradise.

"This is…" he started to say.

"I know," said Celebi. She seemed to be in a bit of a rush. "Come on, no time to lose." She reached behind her back and pulled out a blue crystal.

"Teleport, home."

POOF!

**Yandere Dev! Yandere Dev!**

**Gah! Midori? This isn't even the right universe! And I'm not YandereDev.**

**Why did you use the same teleport mechanic here as in SAO?**

**The population is in the quadrillions in the Distortion realm, it would be really inconvenient to walk around.**

**Are you gonna get sued for using this gag?**

**Well, I DON'T OWN MIDORI GURIN, OR PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING RELATED TO YANDERE SIMULATOR, OR ANY OTHER FRANCHISE THAT I MAKE A FANFIC ABOUT. PLEASE SUPPORT THE OFFICIAL RELEASE, ALL RIGHTS GO TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS!**

Victini found himself inside a relatively simple house, with a love couch, a family-sized dinner table, a TV, among other things.

"So, this is where you live now? Kinda big for just you"

Celebi blushed.

"I… was hoping I could live with Mew in a house like this. Although… he's been acting a little… weird."

"You know about his new show?" Victini had caught a couple glimpses of it while passing by TVs.

"Darkrai lets us keep tabs on our loved ones. I'm glad he's moved on, but it's like he's a completely different person! Especially when he's hosting with Mewtwo, I never thought of him as the kind of person who would intentionally torture people and laugh at their suffering."

"What exactly is it like?"

"Some kind of island where he put two pokemon of each type and forced them to do weird challenges, while gradually eliminating them."

"Who would sign up for that?"

"Apparently the prize is one hundred million yen, along with a lifetime supply of poffins."

"Yikes, that does NOT sound like my best friend."

"Or my fiance…"

"Oh. Sorry Celebi, I know you were really looking forward to that wedding."

"It's okay... but, do you know who really killed me?"

"No, everyone thinks it was me. Although, the killer _did _look a lot like me. Probably a disguise or something."

"Oh. How did you die?"

"Arceus drained my life force to instantly convert humanity. I think it actually worked."

"Do you know for sure?"

"No. I didn't read the reject chapter, I've had enough of Ash Ketchum in my life. But enough of that, what should we do now?"

"I don't know… Arceus is acting weird."

"I know. He killed Manaphy and Phione and then blamed me… OH, MY GODS! MANAPHY AND PHIONE ARE DEAD!" Victini hadn't realized it until now. Yikes, he probably had a denial issue or something.

"He killed Manaphy!? And who's Phione?"

"Oh right, you weren't there. Phione is Manaphy's son."

"Wait… if they're dead… why aren't they here?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure they're dead. Arceus's knife had their blood on them… OH, MY GODS!"

"Okay… I know you just died, but why do you seem so surprised at something you already know?"

"The blood…"

"What about that-"

But Victini was already rushing out the door with another blue crystal.

"Teleport! Giratina!"

POOF!

**Have you figured out what Victini just realized? If so, please review!**


	9. The Devil's Advocate

**Short, but very important.**

**Tigercat111: OMG SOMEONE MORE FAMOUS THAN ME READ MY FANFIC!**

**But to be serious, Arceus was implying that because Phione is related to Manaphy, who aided in Victini's escape which is illegal, Phione should die because his mother is technically a criminal.**

**Tinyfox2: Oh, it gets deeper. Way deeper**

Victini landed smack dab in the middle of the bad side of the Distortion Realm. Ever played the Smash Bros stage? Yeah, it looks exactly like that. Broken shards of land floated about in every direction. Victini looked and saw the Devil himself, Giratina. Enjoying a cup of tea.

"Victini?" Giratina questioned. Victini felt a shiver up his spine. His voice was as cold as a Frosslass in January.

"Uh, yes that's m-me." Victini stuttered. "Y-You s-see, I k-kinda need y-your..."

"Oh do stop stuttering," said Giratina. "I'm not going to do anything. You're already dead."

"Oh yeah." Victini breathed a sigh of relief, "Hey, where's that other guy who's usually with you?"

"Who?"

"The former leader of Team Galactic?"

"Huh?"

"The guy you turned into a Ninetails?"

"I think Arceus turned a bunch of people into Ninetails'"

Victini facepalmed.

"Oh right, wrong story,"

"Exactly what are you going on about?"

"Nothing,"

Giratina gave Victini an odd look before shrugging.

"Why are you here? Not many people come knocking on the Devil's doorstep. Well, technically I don't have a doorstep, but..."

"It's Manaphy and Phione."

"What about them?"

Victini was about to say something when he heard Celebi teleporting in right behind him.

"Victini! What is it with you and running off without explanation!"

"Sorry about that," Victini admitted. "Anyway, I figured something out."

"Why don't we all sit down for this?" said Giratina, "It's been a while since I've had any company,"

Victini and Celebi both obliged and sat down at Giratina's small table. Despite the lack of sun, Giratina had added a small parasol. Victini then started sharing his theory.

"Okay, so Arceus supposedly killed me, Phione, and Manaphy,"

"But, you're the only one here," said Giratina, "Those other two are still alive,"

"Exactly, that means that he didn't actually kill them. He just wanted to make it look like they were dead,"

"But why would he do that?" asked Celebi.

"Probably not. But more importantly, the knife had blood on it,"

"So?"

"Manaphy and Phione don't have blood! They're mostly water and tissues,"

"So the knife was covered in your blood instead," said Giratina.

"Not quite. If Arceus intended to drain my life force, then he wouldn't have cut me at all, as that would diminish my power. And he likely wouldn't cut me, knowing the full extent of what my blood tends to do..."

"Huh?"

"My blood is kind of like liquid plot-armor. If Arceus did cut me, then he would be unable to ever be defeated at anything,"

"Anything?"

"At the expense of story quality, I can grant people unlimited power. And my blood is essentially infused with that ability,"

"So if Arceus did cut you, then certain events would work coincidentally in her favor?"

"Exactly! So then that means that Arceus couldn't have killed Manphy and Phione," Victini proudly finished.

"Did you say "her"?" said Celebi. Giratina chuckled.

"I know Arceus chose male, but she was female for most of our childhood. That's just how I remember her,"

Victini blinked.

"Okay... So, Arceus didn't kill Manaphy and Phione. But why?"

"Maybe he wanted to frame you?" suggested Celebi.

Victini stroked his chin.

"But why..."

"Um, guys?" said Giratina, "Maybe we should focus more on clearing Victini's name?"

"Of course," said Celebi, "I think we should start by figuring out who killed me,"

"Well, it's obviously someone who looks a lot like me..."

"Perhaps a shape-shifter?" said Giratina,

"No, if it were a Ditto or a Zorua, then they would take the form of a much stronger Legendary. Unless they had a grudge against me..."

"I can't think of a reason that anyone would hate you,"

"Maybe it's also Arceus?" said Celebi, "And he originally planned to take your energy in the first place!"

Victini sighed.

"It could be, could be not. We have barely any evidence go off of, and I'm now a fugitive. _And I thought the only thing harder than giving up Torkel Bell was breaking up with female Mew a couple centuries ago_" Victini said that last part quickly.

"EXCUSE ME?!" said Celebi.

"I mean... what?"

_Hall of Origins._

Arceus whistled as he drew on his chalkboard.

"Hm, I wonder what happened when I turned humanity into Pokemon," he said to himself.

He walked across the golden floor to his shiny-blue telescope.

"I'm so glad we renovated the Hall of Origins. The ruins may have looked nice, but the air conditioning was a disaster," He thought back to fond memories, "I did make a pretty hot girl though..."

He peered through the lens that allowed him to see through the entirety of the Pokemon world.

Arceus willed the lens to allow him to see Ash Ketchum, hoping that he wouldn't have to sit through yet another round of the Team Rocket motto.

_If you would like to know what happened to Ash, please go to my Rejects story, under the chapter "Honeymoon Afterglow," There you will find out what Arceus is seeing. _

Arceus blinked for a minute, trying to get that image out of his eyes.

"A Pikachu? I'll admit, that does make a lot of sense. It's a good thing I got rid of the silly Breeding Groups, otherwise, that could make things pretty complicated for couples,"

Then, Arceus looked for Team Rocket. Surprisingly, the organization was alive and well. But instead of trying to steal Pokemon, they were doing actual crimes. Arceus didn't find that very bad.

As expected, the Pokemon Centers remained more-or-less the same. And the Pokemon League was still going strong, despite it becoming more of a team sport than a pet battling competition. Speaking of which, Pokemon Showcases and Contests were even more popular.

Many Pokemon were watching Mew's reality island show. Arceus had seen many episodes himself and enjoyed it very much. Mostly the parts where Gardevoir was on screen.

Arceus sighed to himself. _This is perfect. A land of peace and happiness. Just perfect... _

**Perfect?**


	10. Disclaimer

**Okay everyone, time for a chat.**

**First order of business, this story is not dead. So don't stop reading.**

**Second, I'm sorry about the wait.**

**The truth is, I realized that I had no idea how to continue the story.**

**But then, TigerCat111 gave me the perfect idea for how to move the plot forward! Thanks a lot for that Tigercat, I owe you one.**

**So now I will begin work on the next chapter ASAP. You can expect it within the next five days, and subsequent chapters will be released shortly after. I imagine the story will take between 5 and nine chapters to complete. I MIGHT make a sequel, but only if 7 people or more think it's a good idea.**

**Seeya!**

**PS. If you're looking for something to pass the time, try looking at my other stories. I have fanfictions to cover a wide variety of audiences**


	11. ABTHGIRTFELTHGIRTFELNWODNWODPUPU

**Skarmory21: Yeah, kinda.**

**JustaMegaMothim: Pleasure to make your acquaintance. And thank you for your feedback. I didn't think anyone would read the bonus chapter, but hey, you learn something new every day. By the way, Darkrai doesn't rule over the Distortion realm, he simply serves a purpose similar to a judge by rewarding good pokemon and punishing bad pokemon. It's actually more of a job that Giratina offered him.**

**Tigercat111: I always look forward to reading your reviews. After all, I have you to thank for giving me the idea I needed to continue the story.**

**Arceus isn't trans, Legendaries just don't have a defined gender so they simply pick one and live with it. **

**You seemed to have figured out about 68% of what's going on. Also, Victini's blood is legally considered a steroid.**

**Tinyfox2: I hope you're still reading this. And someone else is too.**

**Midori: Tinyfox Tinyfox! I love your funny reviews!**

Victini paced around the room, ruminating on recent events.

"There must be something I'm missing. Why would Arceus do all of this?"

Celebi was taking laundry to her room.

"Victini, calm down, you've been worrying about that for the past three days!"

"A couple of months in real life," Victini added. "It just doesn't make any sense!"

"Well, maybe you should try and clear your head?"

"Actually, why are you doing laundry? We don't wear clothes!"

Celebi blinked and looked at the basket she was carrying.

"Oh yeah," she said. She tossed the basket out the window. "I must have been losing myself. I mean, Mew's just getting worse by the day with that TV show of his!"

Victini sat on the couch and sighed.

"If only there was some way I could just... go back in time and fix things!"

"Go back in time?" said Celebi.

Victini got up and stared at her.

"Wait a minute... you're the time travel Pokemon!"

"Yes?"

"So, you can take me back in time to fix everything!"

"No,"

Victini smile vanished.

"No?"

Celebi cleared her throat.

"My powers allow for an entity to exist in a separate time without causing too much damage. However, I can't do anything should you affect your past self,"

"Huh?"

Celebi sighed.

"Okay, are you familiar with paradoxes?"

"Of course I am!"

"Good,"

"That's a psychic-type, right?"

"What, no!" Celebi shook her head. "A paradox is when an event happens that cannot physically be answered or registered. For instance: say you went back in time and managed to prevent me from being killed,"

"Yes?"

"And therefore, neither of us would be in the Distortion Realm,"

"Okay, where's the problem?"

"If we weren't in the distortion realm, then I wouldn't have a reason to send you back!"

"So... a good thing?"

Celebi facepalmed herself with her leafy arm.

"No! We'd be stuck in an infinite causality loop of being in two completely different states at the same time!"

"What?"

Celebi sighed.

"It would tear a hole in the space-time continuum,"

"What's that? Isn't space and time Palkia and Dialga's thing?"

"The point is, it would be bad!"

"Okay," said Victini. He was about to sit down again when he heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," said Celebi. She walked to the door and opened it. Then she gasped.

"Who is it?" asked Victini. He floated over and also gasped.

Standing outside their house was a blocky creature of colorful pixels that shifted around. It made strange garbled, beeping sounds.

"MissingNo?" said Victini. MissingNo uttered something incomprehensible.

"Oh yeah, I died. I think it had something to do with Arceus. But what are _you _doing here?"

MissingNo garbled something.

"You can hop between worlds at will? Why didn't you mention that?"

"You can understand him?" said Celebi.

"_Her,_" Victini corrected. "MissingNo speaks in a mix of binary, base64, and morse code,"

"Interesting," said Celebi.

"#249 wAnTs y0u4 h31p," said MissingNo, in her language.

"Lugia?" said Victini. "Didn't he go missing a few years ago? Him and Ho-Oh?"

"nO. Th3Y w34e B ni$hed,"

"Banished?"

"t0o 0!her r3alm,"

"Other realm? There are three of them now?"

MissingNo bounced off.

"C0m3 w1t4 m3 pl$," she said.

"She said to follow," said Victini. He floated after MissingNo.

"Okay... I'm going to stay here," she quickly shut the door after Victini.

MissingNo led him to the edge of the Distortion Realm, where the land dropped off into an endless void.

"! wi11 cR3 te the Prtal n0w," said MissingNo.

"Portal?" said Victini.

MissingNo stretched herself upwards twice, flattened herself out twice, hopped to the left, hopped to the right, hopped to the left, and hopped to the right. She made two beeping noises, and a ray of light shot out of her and into the void.

The light fanned out into an enormous vortex-like portal.

"!3t's jump 1n!" said MissingNo. She proceeded to bounce into the portal.

Victini stared into the swirling portal below.

"Well, GERONIMO!" he yelled as he jumped in.

_One interdimensional trip resembling a mushroom trip later..._

"That was weird," said Victini, shaking his head and trying to clear the spots from his eyes.

He looked around. He was in some kind of vacation resort. There was a large hotel with marble walls looming over them. MissingNo was already making her way in.

"C0m3 oN #494,"

"Wait up!" said Victini, and he hurried after MissingNo. "So this is the other realm?"

The two pokemon walked into the hotel. Standing in the middle of a white foyer, was a familiar-looking white dragon.

"Lugia?" said Victini, his eyes widening.

Lugia turned and saw Victini.

"Victini! You died?" said the surprised diving pokemon.

"Uh, yeah," Victini rubbed his head. "Arceus sorta... sapped my life energy,"

"Nevermind that, I need your help!"

Before Victini could ask, Lugia dragged him off, leaving a very surprised MissingNo.

"I gU3s$ I'1l pract1c3 my J paN3se," she said.

"Hey... stop... where are you taking me!" said Victini, as Lugia dragged him along.

"I've been waiting for you to die since October 12, 2013!" said Lugia with a mad look on his face.

"Well, that's... dark. Wait, do you have unfinished business with me or something? Cause I could have sworn that I paid you that money for that fruit smoothie,"

"No, nothing like that! It's far more important!"

Lugia dragged Victini into a room with two comfy-looking chairs and an ornate table. He shut the door and locked it tight.

"Okay, are you ready?" asked Lugia, as he and Victini sat down.

"Considering the sheer amount of chaos that these past few days have been, I'm pretty sure I can handle anything at this point,"

"Okay, here's the mind-blower," Lugia took a deep breath. He checked his wings, looked around the room, played a drumroll...

"Just say it already!" said Victini.

"How can I when this is so stressful!" Lugia was fanning himself.

"Where are we anyway?"

Lugia looked at him strangely.

"Legendary Alolan Afterlife Resort, where else? I mean, you're dead and you're here,"

"I didn't come here," Victini noticed the rather luxurious amenities around him. "I went to the Distortion Realm,"

Lugia gave him a strange look.

"Okay, I'm talking about that with the Tapu's later today. Anyway, back to the mind-blowing news," He took in a deep breath for fifteen whole seconds...

**HA! Cliffhanger.**


	12. Wedding Bellossoms

"I'M GETTING MARRIED!" said Lugia, after a considerable amount of time following the previous chapter.

"Oh, congratulations," said Victini. "Wait, WHAT?"

"Yeah, there was a whole ordeal with that. First that high-school jock thing, then there was a giant cake, and I'm pretty sure there was a song involved. Anyway, that's why I need you here!"

"Okay, back up a sec!" said Victini. "You're getting married? Does that mean you knew Arceus repealed the marriage law?"

"Well, I don't even think his law applies here," said Lugia. "Anyway, remember when Ho-oh and I would randomly disappear for no reason at all?"

"Don't tell me..."

"We were dating!"

Victini blinked.

"You know, given the fact that I didn't notice that, or Mew and Celebi, I'm beginning to figure out why I'm still single,"

"Latias said something about poor character compatibility compared to other legendaries or something,"

"Eh, you never know what she's going on about. All that talk of "shipping" and whatnot. But enough about that, if you're getting married, what do you need me for?"

Lugia cleared his throat.

"Well, the closest thing we have to priests here are the Tapus, and they're off stalking that one ten-year-old for some reason. Something about having a bunch of extra Z-crystals, with them being useless now that Dynamax battles are a thing. The only other Legendaries here are the Genies, who are jerks, Latias, who spends all day on a cloud with Shaymin spying on people, Diance, who I have no idea what she spends her life doing, and Suicune who's probably off seducing another teenager-turned-pokemon"

"Yeesh, is what happened to all those Legendaries? I thought they died,"

"I'm still wondering whether or not we are dead. Anyway, since you're the only real friend I have here, I need your help with the wedding,"

"Well, I'd love to help, but I'm kind of solving a murder-mystery right now,"

"Really?" Lugia's eyes widened.

"Didn't you hear about Celebi being killed and me being blamed?"

"No, not really. This place has a different internet,"

"Figures," Victini sighed. "Anyway, here's everything that's happened so far. Arceus wanted to turn all the humans into Pokemon so they wouldn't catch them, Celebi was helping him, but she got killed, I got blamed and got thrown in THE NIGHTMARE SHACK for a considerable amount of time, then Manaphy helped me escape, but then Arceus showed up, killed us both, and sapped my life energy to finish converting humanity. But it turns out Manaphy and her son Phione aren't dead for whatever reason, and I got sent to the Distortion Realm with Celebi. We talked about stuff with Giratina, and then MissingNo showed up and brought me here. Needless to say, these past few weeks have been pretty crazy,"

"Wow," said Lugia. "I mean, can't that wait till after the wedding?"

Victini hesitated.

"You said the Tapus were here? I think I'll have a quick chat with them about something. Then we can focus on the wedding,"

"Thanks, you're the best," Lugia sighed out of relief and hugged Victini.

_Meanwhile, in the Hall of Origins._

The three Legendary Bird pokemon all idled about in the living room.

"I sure miss Lugia," said Moltres.

"Don't we all," said Arcticuno. "I miss him just as much as I miss mom,"

"What about you, Zapdos?"

Zapdos stretched his wings.

"You know what's weird?"

"What?"

Zapdos indicated out the window.

"Ever since people have been turning into pokemon, a lot more of them seem to be getting married,"

"What does that have to do with anything?" said Arcticuno.

"I mean, it's almost like there were a bunch of humans in love with their pokemon, and now they can legally get married,"

"Humans in love with Pokemon?" Moltres raised an eyebrow. "That's weird,"

"How would that work... bedroomwise?" said Articuno. Very absurd images began to play in the birds' mind.

"That's just weird," said Moltres.

"I think it's kinda hot," said Zapdos. His siblings stared at him. "Well, think about it!"

"I'm thinking," said Moltres. "And it's weird,"

"Well, imagine a guy doing it with a Gardevoir, or a Frosslass!"

"Please stop," said Arcticuno, her blue face turning green,"

"Or maybe a girl with Ninetales. Or what about a Rhydon? That would be super sexy," Zapdos grinned, lost in his fantasy.

"Too late," said Moltres. "I'm already thinking about it, and it's very sexy,"

"Stop it you two!" said Arcticuno, turning red at what directions her imagination was taking her. "You're making me so w-"

_OKAY LET'S GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE THIS GOES ANY FURTHER!_


	13. Tapu Nutcase-Lustful-Snob-Hippie

**JustaMegaMothim: You know I have other stories, right?**

**Tigercat: Oh, I didn't notice that I didn't use any pronouns for Moltres. What did you take away from that?**

**Vulpix 3**: **Some people are into Gardevoir.**

Victini floated through the hallways of what one would normally consider a vacation paradise.

"Man, this place sure looks expensive," he said. "I wonder why I didn't go here. Then again, I was convicted..."

Eventually, Victini came across a door that read 'Tapu consultation'. He opened the door and walked inside.

Inside was a large yellow room with various paintings and sculptures. Nearly a hundred electric lights decked the walls and furniture. Many yellow Z-crystals lay about.

Just then, Tapu Koko floated in through a door in the back.

"Phew! Now that was quite the thrill," he said. Then he noticed Victini. "Oh, Victini! How are you doing?"

"Honestly, I don't even know," he said. "I was wondering, can you tell me about Arceus? He's been acting weird lately,"

"Weird?" said Tapu Koko, his face switching between expressions 6 times a second "Well, that's fishy! Kind of like Ash and all those girls. Or that time he said that us Tapus couldn't go into the basement?"

"Basement?"

"Oh, silly me! There's a basement underneath the island! I never went there, I was too busy stalking random kids and handing out Z-crystals. But for whatever reason, nobody wants them,"

"So, what's in the basement?"

"I don't know. Listen, I think you should talk to the other Tapus at the moment. Goodbye,"

"Wait!" said Victini. But before he could speak, Tapu Koko let out a...

Actually, let's do this properly.

**Tapu Koko used Focus Blast!**

**It's not very effective...**

**Victini was removed from the room!**

"Wait!" said Victini, as Tapu Koko shut the door behind him.

Victini opened the door again, but this time, the room was completely different. Pink and red wallpaper lined the walls. The red carpet was soaked in certain areas. Various articles of clothing lay about. On the walls, all kinds of strange things were hung up, from whips to bottles of vegetable oil. A pink, king-sized bed sat in the corner, the bedding completely ruined.

"Oh, it's one of those doors that change the room that they lead to," said Victini. He sniffed one of the wet spots on the carpet and recoiled.

"Ew, gross! Who lives here?"

Just then, Tapu Lele floated in from a hatch in the ceiling. Her face was red, and her hair was a mess.

"Oh, Victini!" she said. "Where've you been?"

"So much stuff..." he replied, examining the room. "Exactly what have you been doing since you left the Hall of Origins?"

Tapu Lele smirked.

"Let's just say... those Kalos boys sure appreciate quality livestock,"

"Oh _great_, have you been sleeping with mortals again?"

"Just Pokemon now," she said, bumming a cigarette. "Though it's not like I have many choices nowadays,"

"Still a slut, I see?"

"I prefer the term... _passionate_,"

"You're just taking advantage of the fact that you can't breed or catch an STD, aren't you?"

"Maybe. Look, if it's anyone's fault, blame Arceus. He never explains his actions, he's always hurrying off before I can ask him anything, and he never wants to sleep with me. What's up with that?"

"Hurrying off to where?"

"Goodness knows where. Anyway, today is bipedal only. I just got back from a _wild_ night with an arcanine, and in a few minutes, I've got an _appointment _with a few zoroark and a pack of mightyena. Simultaneously," her eyes naughtily drifted to the ceiling.

"You do know Arceus got rid of the breeding groups?"

Tapu Lele spat out her smoke.

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. All male Pokemon can now breed with all female pokemon,"

Tapu Lele blinked, before nervously laughing.

"Erm... thank you for visiting, Victini, I'll be sure to help you later. BYE!" she quickly, shoved Victini out the door before dashing off to the bathroom.

"Man, that is one weird deity," said Victini. He opened the door again.

This time, the room was blue, with a large swimming pool in the middle. There was hardly any lighting, save for a few clam-shaped lamps. Many fountains shot water in intricate patterns. Aside from this, there was hardly anything else in the room. Victini quickly dodged a blast of water from a Squirtle-shaped fountain.

Tapu Fini emerged from within the depths and noticed Victini.

"Oh, Victini," she said, in her mid-Atlantic accent. "I've been wondering what happened to you. Care for a swim?"

"Thanks... but that would kill me,"

"Oh right," she said. She floated out and shook off the water. "Please tell me Lelly cleaned that horrid mess of hers. That Tapu has no self-respect,"

"Tell me about it..." said Victini. "Anyway, I need to know about why Arceus is doing all this weird stuff that's been going on,"

"Arceus? Ugh," Tapu Fini stuck her tongue out in disgust. "He just doesn't make any sense, especially considering what he's doing with the Z-crystals,"

"What about them?"

"He said that they're _outdated _and we have to throw them all out. And he used to be so passionate about them. This is just like how it went for Mega-Evolution,"

"What do you mean?"

"Haven't you noticed that there hasn't been a single new Mega-stone since we started using Z-Crystals? And now they've stopped making new Z-Crystals as well. I wouldn't be surprised if Arceus just threw them all out at some point,"

"Oh yeah," said Victini. "It's a real shame, I bet I would have a pretty cool Mega-Evolution,"

"As do I," she said. "Surely, it would be graceful and beautiful, and..."

"Snobby?" said another voice. Tapu Lele was peeking her head in through a hole in the side of the wall.

"Why you...!" Tapu Fini angrily sneered, as Tapu Lele ran off laughing.

"Where did she come from?" said Victini. But Tapu Fini was already running after her younger sister.

"I'll get you, you jezebel-minded vexation!"

"What does that even mean?" said Victini, walking out of the room.

He shut the door and took a deep breath.

"Okay. Three down, one to go. Let's hope Tapu Bulu has some actual clues,"

Victini pulled open the door. This room was painted green, with hundreds of colorful candles on various shelves. Tapu Bulu floated in the middle, above a colorful carpet. He opened his eyes and spoke in a lazy but soothing voice.

"Victini! It's been so long, man. What brings you to my sanctuary?"

Victini cleared his throat.

"Yes, I need to know why Arceus framed me for committing a murder that didn't even happen,"

Tapu Bulu remained silent for a few seconds. Then he spoke again.

"You, my most valued of champions, desire the unattained knowledge floating in the eternal realm of the unknown, regarding the almighty and unexpected Legendary being that we consider as our beloved Arceus, stronger than a thousand Spanish dancers? Our days were lengthened to the most infinite degree, to that the island floated through the expanse of the mysterious, unknown sky, sorted into multiple layers of wholesome thorough satisfaction and curiosity, under which the complete and expectable silence was undoubtedly annihilated like a hammer through corn flakes. Beeping, dancing, slicing! It lights the darkness of the calm, with the unbearable brightness of the truth,"

"Wha...?" said Victini.

"Anyway, that's enough, goodbye," said Tapu Bulu. Victini vanished and reappeared outside the room.

"DANGNABBIT!" he said. Then he sighed. "Well, guess I'll go back to helping Lugia.

The rest of the day was spent with Lugia and Ho-oh, sorting out the details of their wedding. They decided on a date, five days from now, got most of the details sorted, a nice party in between the towers they used to live in, and narrowed the guest list down to the Legendary Birds, Legendary Beasts, and Mewtwo. MissingNo would bring them over using her dimensional-hopping powers.

_Speaking of Mewtwo..._

Mewtwo turned on his TV and flicked through channels. But he soon noticed a rather peculiar show.

"Uh, Mew?" he said. "You might wanna check this out?"

"Ugh, what is it, Twoey?" said Mew, who was currently scribbling down notes. "I need to come up with a new challenge for next week!"

"There's a bunch of copies of your show. With _you _on them,"

Mew looked up and shrugged.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I upgraded our TV so we can see shows from other dimensions. There are actually quite a few versions of us out there.

"Why are you female in this one?"

"I mean, most of us don't have defined gender, so we just pick the one we like,"

"Oh. Also, where's Keldeo?"

"Keldeo?"

"You know, that horse guy with the sword? He's the only one here who likes you-know-who?"

"Ah, right," Mew sighed. "I heard he's hanging out with MissingNo or something,"

"I thought she was dead,"

"Who knows?" said Mew. "I'm thinking of jet skis. What about you?"

"Uh... jet-skis... on mud!"

"Now you're talking


	14. Zaptinoltres READ THE MANGA!

"Stop that!" said Tapu Lele, and she and Tapu Fini wrestled over a carpet stain remover.

"Your room is filthy! And with such scandalous scum! Why one could get an STD from just sitting down!" Tapu Fini kicked away a loose bra.

"We're immortal, what does that matter to you?"

Just then, Tapu Koko ran in.

"HAS ANYONE SEEN THE MARZIPAN?" he said without warning.

"Huh?" said Tapu Lele.

"SOMEBODY PUT A DRUG IN THE MARZIPAN! I ATE IT YESTERDAY, AND THEN I WOKE UP IN LELE'S BED! WITH LELE SLEEPING IN THERE AS WELL! NAKED!"

"You do it with your family members too?" Tapu Fini's face turned green.

"Umm..." Tapu Lele blushed. "If it'll make you feel better, he held up well,"

"I did?" said Tapu Koko. "Thanks!"

Tapu Fini sighed.

"I'm in a room full of idiots,"

Tapu Bulu floated in from above.

"Tapus, please relax," he said. "Fighting will get us nowhere in this situation. Let us instead celebrate our differences, and appreciate the soon-to-be bliss of the upcoming wedding,"

"Is he high?" said Tapu Fini.

"He seems to be at the same altitude as the rest of us," said Tapu Koko. Tapu Fini facepalmed.

"It's just his meditation," said Tapu Lele. "He does it waaaaay too much, and now he's numb to feeling stuff,"

"Is that possible?" said Tapu Fini.

"Haven't you ever tried meditating for more than a few days straight?"

"Huh. Actually, why is the first time that we're all the same room in centuries?"

"Probably because the male side of this family doesn't carry the IQ of the female side," Tapu Lele remarked.

"Or because you keep hanging around other male pokemon," Tapu Koko added. "Speaking of which, do you mind handing out some Z-crystals? I've got far too many, and I don't know what to do with them,"

While this discussion of ancient god-like beings was undertaking, Victini was busy planning Ho-oh and Lugia's wedding. Or mating ceremony if you want to get technical.

"...and then you just say the vows, I pronounce you, and then you kiss. Got it?" said Victini.

"Definitely," said Ho-oh.

"Also, since when were you a priest?" said Lugia.

"By process of elimination, I'm at the same rank as Arceus here. I'm pretty sure that I'm above the priest level,"

"Huh, nifty," said Lugia.

Just then, Latias drifted down from a nearby cloud.

"Sorry I'm late!" she said. "Shaymin and I were seeing what Heatran and Cresselia were up to!"

"Don't worry about it," said Victini. He felt a smile creep on to his face. "You and your boyfriend should have all the time you need,"

"W-what?" Latias' eyes widened.

"I mean, you two are always sneaking off together and hovering on that cloud!"

"It's not like that at all!" said Latias. "We just... you know... spy on people together, takes notes on the love lives of other Legendaries, sometimes we just eat snacks and chat..."

"Kinda sounds like you're dating," Victini remarked.

"Well... I DON'T KNOW!" she said. "Anyway, do you know where I can find a decent dress that fits my size?"

"Sorry, I don't know a lot about clothes. Maybe you should ask one of the Tapus?"

"Sure, where are they?" said Latias.

"The consultation room is on the third floor. Make sure you speak to all of them, cause there's a good chance one of them will spout nonsense. Or all of them in my case,"

"That's... reassuring," she said before floating off. "Anyway, have a good wedding you two! You're my OTP!" she said to Ho-oh and Lugia. She giggled before zipping into the hotel.

"What does that even mean?" said Ho-oh.

"I stopped trying to figure her out six weeks ago," said Lugia. "Now I just roll with her,"

"Oh right!" Latias came zooming back. "Ho-oh, you and I need to go pick out a wedding dress!"

"Oh right!" said Ho-oh.

"You stay here, Lugia," Latias and Ho-oh floated into the hotel.

"Well, I better go too," said Victini. "I need to try and make sense of what the Tapus told me,"

"Good luck with that," said Lugia.

**Victini used Teleport!**

Victini appeared in the room that MissingNo assigned him. It was very luxurious, with a king-sized bed, a hot tub, a large TV, a bookshelf full of manga, among other high-class commodities.

"Let's see..." said Victini, floating over to the corkboard he set up.

_Meanwhile..._

"Guys guys!" said Zapdos, running into the room.

"What is it?" said Moltres. He (yes, he,) was playing shogi with Articuno.

"I found this!" Zapdos held an interesting circular device with seven slots surrounding a central circle.

"What is that?" said Moltres.

"I don't know!" said Zapdos. "I found it in Mewtwo's closet. I noticed that the holes are the same shape as the Kanto gym badges. Do you have any on you two? I wanna see what happens,"

"Sure, why not?" said Articuno. She pulled out a set of badges.

"Where did you get those?" said Moltres.

"Team Rocket used these to brainwash me into fighting Red,"

"Really?" Zapdos raised an eyebrow.

"That was when you could use badges to mind-control Pokemon," Articuno shuddered. "Anyway, put them in!"

The three birds slotted in the Boulder, Cascade, Thunder, Rainbow, Soul, Marsh, and Volcano badges. At first, nothing happened. Then, a small glowing sphere of energy appeared above the disc.

"Woah..." said Moltres.

The sphere floated about for some time before it started to grow rapidly.

"Uh-oh," said Zapdos.

"Run!" said Articuno.

But before the birds could escape, the light enveloped them in burning hot fury.

"OW OW OW OW!" said Moltres. "That hurts so much!"

"It burns!"

"AAAARRARARARRHGHG!"

Eventually, the light faded.

"Phew..." said Zapdos, blinking his eyes open. "Are you two okay?"

"Yeah..." said Moltres from beside him.

"Moltres? Why are you so close?"

"Oh, sorry," said the flaming bird. He tried to move away but found that he couldn't.

"What the..."

"Guys?" said Articuno, from the other side of Moltres.

The three Legendary Birds were now joined together at the literal hip, forming one big Legendary bird three-headed thing.

"What's going on?" said Articuno, trying to move away.

"OW!" said Moltres. "You're stepping on my foot!"

"That's my foot!"

"Guys?" said Mewtwo.

The Legendary Bird thing looked up with three heads at a very surprised Mewtwo.

"Did you take my Badge Energy Amplifier?" he tilted his head.

"Oh..." Zapdos looked down guiltily. "Is that what it was?"

"Yeah, we haven't used one in centuries," said Mewtwo. He picked up the device. "You put the right combination of badges in, and then it summons a Legendary Pokemon. It also has the unfortunate side effect of fusing them. Hence, Zapdicunoltres,"

"Well, what do we do now?" said Articuno. She tried to move over, but she pulled the rest of Zapdicunoltres with her. "We can't live like this?"

"I know, right?" said Moltres. "How are we supposed to eat? Or sleep? Or do anything?"

"Don't worry, I know what to do," Mewtwo stretched his arms out, and his forehead started to glow. A long metallic object appeared in his hands, resembling a...

"Is that a giant spoon?" said Zapdos.

"It's my weapon," said Mewtwo, twirling it about. "I don't use it a lot anymore since nobody can take me seriously when I do. But a spoon is a psychic's ultamate weapon!"

"Wait, what are..." Moltres started to say.

Mewtwo dashed straight towards Zapdicunoltres, and swung the spoon like a baseball bat.

"Wait, maybe-AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!" exclaimed Zapdicunoltres, as they were flung across the room, seperating back into their componants in a flash of white light upon smashing against the wall.

"Be more careful next time," said Mewtwo, picking up the Badge Energy Amplifier and walking off with it and his oversized eating utensil, leaving three very dazed bird Legendaries.


	15. Here comes the sun

"Nervous?" said Victini. A bead of sweat trailed down Lugia's neck. He anxiously straightened the tie on his tuxedo.

"Maybe a little..."

"Hey, don't worry about it! Just think about all the joy you too will have. And maybe your kids,"

"Wait, what happened to... to..." Lugia saw Ho-oh walking down the sandy beach in a wedding dress that was somehow tailored to her body shape. Behind her, Latias tossed flabebe from a basket, which danced around in twirls and whirls.

Lugia's voice got stuck in his throat.

"Yep," Victini nodded. "You really got lucky,"

As Ho-oh stepped up to Lugia, Victini cleared his throat.

_Alright... just got to... wait, what? Why are my thoughts being narrated?_

Uh, I think that may have something to do with you coming in contact with my DDLC story.

_Huh?_

Nevermind, just go with it!

_Fine. Anyway, I've just got to read out my... oh gosh I forgot to write a speech!_

All eyes turned to Victini.

_Okay, Victini, you can do this. Coming up with a wedding speech on the spot can't be too hard, right?_

"Dearly beloved. Legendaries, Mythicals, and whatever MissingNo is. We are gathered here to witness the union of Lugia and Ho-oh. Both of which are very close friends of mine, and whose love reaches back to... to..." Victini scrambled for the right memory. "To that burning tower in Johto! Yeah... that," He cleared his throat. "Anyway, just say the vows already,"

"Oh, right!" Lugia pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "Ho-oh, from the very beginning, all I could think about was you. Every adventure, every disaster, every bit of crazy that we lived through in our eternal lives was with each other. And I hope all the crazy to come will also be with you."

"Lugia, you are the reason I live forever. For now, and for eternity, I will always be there for you. You are my first and only love and that is why you're the perfect Pokemon for me," said Ho-oh.

Victini took in a deep breath.

"Then without further ado, Lugia, do you take Ho-oh to be your eternal mate, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until armageddon do your part?"

"I do!" Lugia said quickly. "Wait, armageddon?"

"Ho-oh, do you take Lugia to be your eternal mate, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until armageddon do your part?"

"I do."

"Then by the power vested in me by a process of elimination, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the..."

Ho-oh grabbed Lugia by the neck and rammed her lips into his.

"...groom." Victini finished. There were claps and cheers from the various other legendaries.

After the ceremony, the party was held in the resort's ballroom. There was a nice buffet, an ice-swablu, a chocolate fountain, basically anything you would expect from your standard wedding.

Tapu Lele chugged another bottle of an unknown alcoholic beverage.

"Ugh!" she grunted. "They call this beer? It's the weakest stuff I've ever drunk!"

Just then, she noticed Tapu Fini, who had decided to leave her shell in the lobby, dancing about like a madman, her cheeks red and her body alternating between various lewd positions. A bottle of the same drink was in her left hand.

"HEY BITCHES! YOU WANNA GET SOME OF ME? I BET YOU DO!" She flung off her bikini top and started fondling her surprisingly ample chest.

"Weird." Tapu Lele took another drink. She pulled a condom out of her pocket and tossed it at her sister. "You might need this!" she yelled.

Just then, Victini caught the tip of a whispy white tail disappearing behind a doorway.

"Huh?" he said. Glancing about, he floated through, just managing to see a familiar-looking ring-shape.

"Arceus?" he picked up the speed. Arceus was standing in front of a Pidgey shaped statue. Victini snuck behind a potted plant, as his pursuee grasped the wings of the statue, and pulled them downwards. The statue lowered into the ground, and the wall behind it receded, opening a hidden passageway. Arceus dashed inside, and the wall closed up.

Victini floated out of his hiding place.

"You know, the thing about secret doors," he pulled down on the statues wings. "Nobody ever locks them!" he dashed inside as the door closed again.

Victini entered a large dry cavern. Rocks were shaved off, papers were scattered about, numerous computers with unintelligible code beeped around him.

"Arceus?' said Victini. Arceus was hunched over a large corkboard.

"Let's see... Ah! I'll create a set of pokemon based on the Chinese zodiac! Better yet, I'll make them all genderless!"

"Hello?" said Victini. Arceus yelped.

"What the..." he turned about. "Victini? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same thing," he pointed out.

"Well, I could ask the same thing I started with,"

"Okay, fine. I saw you sneaking away from the party. Now it's your turn. What is this place?"

"Erm..." Arceus looked around. "Oh, wait!"

**Arceus used Blizzard!**

**Victini used Flamethrower!**

Victini blinked.

"Did... I just block your attack with another attack?"

"Oh, dear."

"And it wasn't even my turn!"

"Erm..."

"Matter of fact, since when did I learn Flamethrower?"

**Arceus used Fire Blast!**

**Victini used Mirror Move!**

**Arceus used... ah, who am I kidding? This is taking the action out of this battle.**

"Who comes up with these rules anyway?" Victini dodged a Horn Leech from Arceus, before returning with a fierce Energy Ball.

"I do!" Arceus shot a Shadow Ball. "I spent a lot of time making that system! Unfortunately, it doesn't work here!"

"What are you talking about?" Victini dashed straight at Arceus before unleashing a Close Combat. Arceus Teleported behind him.

"This is my design room! It's where I design the world and its rules! Of course, you won't remember after I've destroyed you!" Arceus forced Victini's head to the ground with Psychic.

"Rules? What does that have to do with you killing people?"


End file.
